THE MORNING AFTER

I don’t know about you, but this term is taking on a more significant meaning in my life as I get older.  I never paid attention to the morning after with the same appreciation as I do now.

When I was growing up there was a song on the radio The Morning After, sung by one of my favorite artists, Maureen McGovern, that now I understand clearly now.

In the events and journals of my life, you’ll find stories ranging in scope of the modern theater represented by two masks: a smiling muse of comedy, and a frowning muse of tragedy

I’ve had some pretty dark days and some lonely nights. I’ve had incidents of danger and fear come upon me.  Not to mention the fact I’m aging and can’t do what I once was able to do.  There have been moments of hurt and disappointment where my heart skipped several beats.

On the other hand, there were moments that I laughed so hard I couldn’t catch enough breath. There were also occasions where I smiled so hard with joy that it felt as if my lips and cheeks would split.  I’ve been so proud of things accomplished, knowing it was the strength of God that carried me through that my heart and soul were both overwhelmed, left with unarticulated expressions.

I was so focused on the event and the goal to survive that I forgot to remember all the morning after’s that occurred.

During the three long days of childbirth, I went through to have my daughter was pale to the love and joy I had the morning after when I looked into her healthy eyes.

After caregiving and the loss of each of my loved ones, I was drained emotionally, physically, and spiritually but awoke to a day that I was reminded that their suffering and pain was gone; heaviness replaced by relief and honor.

After the attempted carjacking and the attack of a store merchant, I’ve had hours of shared laughter with friends and strangers who heard and shared in my humor.

I now value the morning after more for several reasons.  First, God said we’d received new mercies each day.  If I just hold on.

Next, I can look back over those circumstances in my life and see how the hand of God moved me through to the shores of safety.

Finally, I understand more that it’s the morning after where I, in retrospect, can see the details of the circumstances and learn more about God and myself from them, thereby growing, appreciating my personal journey.

Here are the lyrics to that song I now sing to my soul:

There’s got to be a morning after if we can hold on through the night
We have a chance to find the sunshine, Let’s keep on looking for the light

When things are really rough, I tell her:
Oh, can’t you see the morning after? It’s waiting right outside the storm
Why don’t we cross the bridge together, and find a place that’s safe and warm?

On the verge of giving up I remember Jesus and say to my soul:
It’s not too late, we should be giving, only with love can we climb
It’s not too late, not while we’re living, Let’s put our hands out in time

On the darkest of days, I encourage my soul:
There’s got to be a morning after, we’re moving closer to the shore
I know we’ll be there by tomorrow, and we’ll escape the darkness
We won’t be searching anymore

I remind her of the hope and blessings awaiting us on the shore, in the arms of our Savior.

What do you say to your soul? Speak words of life over yourself. Hold on, don’t be discouraged.  Wait, there is going to be a morning after for you. New mercy is on its way.

A SPECIAL THANK YOU TO MY ENEMIES

I’ve been trying to determine what works in my life to recreate success with my future goals. When I completed this task, I thought I’d have a list that would include incidents where my supporters surrounded me or friends and family came to my rescue, with help or a life-changing word. To my surprise, if these scenarios happened, it was so rare it’s not worth mentioning. What I found was a list of events where I was alone with feelings of being abandoned with my enemies raging around me.

Now I want to make it clear that my enemies are real. I don’t have the kind of enemies that are passive, nor are they inexperienced in the art of war.   My enemies tried to set me up on my job to humiliate me then get me fired. If I didn’t quit the job, they would strategically place themselves around contend with my every effort.  My enemy would work discord in my neighborhood. My enemy will talk about me behind my back with hideous lies to destroy my character. My enemies take joy in hearing of my misfortunes and wait to hear of my destruction from them. If my demise doesn’t come soon enough, they will see what they do to help speed the process up. My enemies would attack my children and my marriage when the attacks against me didn’t work, knowing this would destroy me. My enemies would turn my friends against me.   Then they would use them on the inside to stay close to me to further hurt me.

Even though I felt alone in these situations, I realized God was with me. He would somehow stir something deep within me, an anger of sorts or a refusal to go down without a fight that would arise in my spirit and I would come out swinging against the opposition. I had a take no prisoner approach. I fought with the strength that I know only the Lord could have given me. I gained victory over my enemies and negative situations in my life. I learned skillful ways from God to defeat my enemy and God would not allow bitterness to build within me that would cause me to become like my enemies.   I learned a lot about myself from facing my enemies and their attacks. I learned a lot about God, who was my only source of help.   I realized that these attacks made me stronger and closer to God. Over time, the attacks let me know that a bigger blessing or level of promotion was on the way from the Lord. I would have never gained this knowledge and strength if it had not been for the malicious attacks of my enemies. Most importantly, I learned that if I’m ever to succeed at anything in life, especially against my enemies, I must depend upon the Lord to guide and help me. So if you’re under attack, don’t give in, and please don’t give up. Take a deep breath and a step back and seek the help of God. He promised never to leave us or forsake us. He is a master at strategy and can lead you around any trap of your enemy. He can give you the victory over those that come against you if you would just consult Him on how to proceed. Don’t be discouraged or dismayed we are more than conquers through Him that loved us (Romans 8:37). Thank your enemy for letting you know that your help from God and blessings are on their way

Write on, Write on

I’ve been writing since 2007. But much of my writing, in the past years, have been academic in nature. I began seminary school on a quest to quench the thirst in my soul to find more of God, a place, a deeper and more fulfilling reservoir for my soul to bask in. But as chances have it, I’ve been consumed with academic goals and grade that my regular inspirational writing has suffered, if not come to a complete halt. Now, my soul is feeling another type of lace. I find myself in a quandary. I was given a Word from the Lord to write of His Glory. My challenge is, when I’d done with my academic assignments, I’m exhausted and my inspiration is spent. I go into survival mode and my goal is to take a nap or eat a snack.

Recently, a feeling of being unfulfilled and slightly disobedient has risen in my spirit. There is an urgency where I must rectify my situation. Simply put, I must write about my wonderful God.
Many of you who have put down a dream or talent and pursued a career, education, or raising a family, understand my dilemma of the time-energy-inspiration-continuum or cycle in life. But as my original writing experience was hewn out of a hard place, in the midnight and early morning hours. I have no valid excuse.
So, I will begin to do what my soul also loves and needs by rededicating time, energy, resources to writing a bout the God I love and adore, who by the way is the champion of all my stories.

Maybe you too have stopped chasing something God had designed for you to do? Maybe you too are feeling a bit unfulfilled? Then let’s make a change that one day and one step at a time we will move to regain that fulfillment and satisfaction for our spirit that only obedience can bring. It’s going to be hard and it won’t happen overnight. But with persistence, it will happen and our full joy will return.

I’m ready to begin, are you? Push through whatever is holding you back. The Lord will meet us there to bless us. I’m gonna write on, write on.

What’s in a Name

Now everyone who knows me knows my full name. I’ve had challenges with it since kindergarten. It took two pages to write and they didn’t allow me to use my nick name. I still have a permanent dent in my finger from those large pencils we wrote with in school.

Depending on how you spell it, it can have 15 or 16 letters in it. There are certain letters that are missing like, f, g,k,l,m, q,u,v,w,x,z, and a y depending on whose spelling you use.

I’ve asked my mom several times what my names means and at her age, she says she doesn’t remember. I know she was an avid reader. My father says it’s a combination of the flower. They both said that they knew I was the last child and my name should be special, and that it is.

I’m reminded about how in the Jewish culture and all through the bible, each name is significant. For the males, generally their sons were given the name of their father, but all names had meaning. In the bible, one notable exception to this is the case of Zacharias and his son John the Baptist.

By naming his son a different name, the name told to him by the angel Gabriel, he broke tradition and began new distinction for that child. We all know that John the Baptist was the forerunner of Christ and was an amazing example of dedication to Christ and the Gospel.

I know my names has opened doors for me and has set me apart in many ways. It instills in me pride and a distinction of who I am and what I can accomplish. Its funny what a name can do. What we call ourselves and how we see ourselves is important. It gives me the distinction of being the first with a named like that in my family, so I have many places in my family where I am the first. I was the first to introduce salvation to my family.

What does your name mean? Have you researched other notable characters with your name? how have you made your name something to be remembered?

I believe God knows all our names. this was proven to me once when someone came to me saying God wanted me to help them with a particular problem and he didn’t call me by my nickname, but by that name I had a hard time writing in kindergarten.

We all have history, we all have purpose and destiny, it begins with our name. Know that God knows our name.

Give Me What I Want

I apologize to you all and I am ashamed it’s taken so long for me to post on my blog, but my life has changed. I can give all the excuses in the world but they all lead to the fact, I haven’t posted. Sometime we can take things for granted or miss their deeper significance or purpose. I began to realize the part the blogs played in my life and how all it began in 2007. They began in a season where God asked me a question or posed the answer, it seems to be two-edged scenario. His words to me were, who could write of my (his) glory. My writing career, yes, career, as well and my life pursuit today began in the attempt to fulfill this command.

Recently I’ve had this urging in my soul saying, give me what I want. Now I know it’s God and like most, I thought I was doing just that. I know many of you would never do this but as an inquisitive child of God, I asked what more do I need to do. God sweetly spoke in my soul, “more of you”.

At first, I felt like the husband who works two jobs, brings home flowers, or the wife who takes care of the 10 children, has a hot meal on the table each day, confused as these acts not being recognized as giving “me” to God. But upon close examination, I saw that these things can become duties and repetitious acts, hollow in their expression to those we do them for.

In its simplest form, what God was looking for was more quality time with me. People that give you money or gifts or elaborate words, or phone calls don’t necessarily love you, but anyone who sets aside time to be with you, expresses a real love.

So along with the things I do to honor Him or to grow to know more about Him, I will add spending more time with Him, just to be at His feet and in His presence. I expect to find many of the things I’ve been searching for in His presence. The scripture says there is the fullness of joy in His presence; there is peace in His presence, as a first hand witness I know there is protection in His presence. How could I have drifted doing His will? The greatest blessing of giving yourself to God and spending time with him to me is those moments you’re alone and He’ll speak from His heart to your soul. He’ll give a revelation into your future and place in Him. Time flies in those moments and questions or burdens you’ve had for years are lifted with one word from Him.

Just as a parent for a lifetime draws their children close to them, one day they long for that child to come in the door on their own accord to spend time with them, to show their love and appreciation, just being in their presence, how much more so our creator, my God desires me and all to give Him what He wants, more of you.

New Year-New Me

I thought about sending my usual post regarding pressing toward the mark but it came clear to me it was no longer new due to the fact it was over used.
I thought a lot about things that were going on in my life and came to the conclusion I needed something new for 2019.

With regard to change, I find the ones that last the longest and have the most impact begin with ourselves. So, what I’ll strive for in 2019 is a new me. This new me is in Christ, not some separate being or persona, or from the script of 3 faces of Eve. As the Apostle Paul so eloquently said (Acts 17:28), in Him, we live, and move and have our being.
The new me will never emerge if I continue doing the same things. The very definition of insanity speaks to my point; doing the same thing expecting different results. If I want a change in my life, I need to begin by doing something different. I’ll start with a new mindset, new commitments, and new rules of engagement.

A new mind is critical in the newness I seek. I need to review and readjust my thoughts, thereby changing my perceptions, and as a result, my actions will change. This will affect the impact life and circumstances will have on me. The scriptures tell us to renew our minds (Ephesians 4:23, Romans 12:2).
I need to review my commitments, get rid of the unnecessary ones and add those that are key to the new emerging me. Time is precious and it’s a time for new horizons.

I’ve discovered that how I engaged in the past isn’t working anymore and need to determine new rules of engagement to life to have the best new year and new me. I can’t engage with negative thoughts and people and expect positive results. I can’t wait for the blessing to fall out of the sky to hit me, but must move in God like the lepers and walk in the direction of my new destiny and be healed along the way. I must make every step count. I must monitor the movements I make.

All of my fractured efforts and pieces will fall into place and work together only from the new hope and new mercies God will grant me in 2019. He wants us to find a higher place, our distinct place in Him.
Join me in this new year in finding the new you as I find the new me in Christ.

Christmas

While I sat in the garage looking at the boxes of decorations and Christmas tree in a box, a flood of emotions swept over my soul. I look back and painfully remember all the people and things so dear to me that I lost. I began to sink in my spirit because the loved ones I shared my life and heart with are no longer here to bring me joy on Christmas morning. Christmas was always my favorite holiday. It’s a time when memories are made and family and friends gather near.

As I drove through the neighborhoods and saw the beautiful decorations and listened to the holiday tunes on the radio, emptiness came over me. I didn’t feel the same when I watched Charlie Brown or White Christmas on television.

Many of the traditional things that marked this season, my personal favorite, the Christmas tree, will not be observed this year. The old traditions are no longer significant and I am forced to create new ones. There will be no smell of peach cobbler cooking in the kitchen or that secret present to open on Christmas morning. There won’t be a fire in the fireplace as we sing merry Christmas baby or jingle bell rock. I asked all my loved ones to let me be alone this Christmas to seek God’s face, who alone could heal and help me this holiday. The worst emotion to me is to be in a room filled with people but still feeling all alone in the world.

The song, Silent Night, Holy Night came on the radio and my heart began to burn. How selfish and blind I had been. Christ is the reason for the season. He is the gift that keeps on giving.

There was no Currier & Ives setting around the manger where Christ laid and He wasn’t welcomed with opened arms. His mother and father were on the run from an angry King that sought to kill Him and hid in a manger where He was born. There was no smell of spices and rum cake; there was the smell of sheep and oxen in their nostrils.

Yes, I had lost loved ones and my life is forever changed, but the real reason for Christmas is Christ who loves me the best and has never left my side. He has shown me an undying love by giving me the gift of redemption.

Let’s regain the real meaning for Christmas, by first putting Christ back in our celebration. We look for gifts to give our loved ones that would enhance their lives and bring them joy. What better gift than to give them the gift of the knowledge of Christ, their Savior. Share with them the true story of Christmas. When times get hard and the storms of life begin, the X-box game machines and diamonds won’t bring them peace or help solve their problems, only a relationship with Christ will accomplish this. Deck the halls then go tell it on the mountain and over the hills that Jesus Christ was born.

THANKS-GIVING

The tradition for the celebration of thanksgiving began in the 1600’s. The pilgrims ran from religious persecution in England and landed at Plymouth Rock. They we not prepared to endure the harsh conditions of a Massachusetts winter and many died. Those that survived did so because of the assistance they received from the Indians that were already settled in that region. A feast was prepared for the Indian and Settlers to share and show appreciation for the Indian assistance and the formation of a new relationship. The second memorable gathering occurred in 1777 after the British were defeated in 1776 and the settlers gained their independence from the old British rule. Later it was made into a holiday.

Today, we gather with family and friends with a primary focus of the food we are to eat, the football games, or the uncle or aunt that we haven’t seen since last year. We awake on Friday to initiate the Christmas shopping season.

Now the title of the day was coined thanks -giving because the early settlers were giving thanks with a feast to those who had helped them survive harsh weather or to celebrate the victory. Their survival and victory changed the course of history.

The first mention of thanks is usually when the grace is said. We generally only spend seconds saying grace for a year’s worth of blessings; if we say grace at all. I know in my family, if you say grace too long you start hearing various ones saying amen for you.

Have we as individuals become less thankful and more ungrateful? Do we take the good things that happen to us as luck or begin to expect them to happen? Have you ever noticed when you go into a place of business now you generally are the one who says thank you and not the person you just gave your hard earned money to? Whatever happened to teaching our children to say please and thank you? Have we begun to take even God for granted? I was reminded of the scripture 2 Timothy 3:1-9 and it tells of how people will begin to be unthankful.

I hope you join with me in reversing this trend. Thankfulness and gratitude are conscious choices. I choose to be thankful every day and will express my thanks giving longer than the time it takes to say grace. We have so much to be thankful for that gratitude should be flowing from our lips toward God.

If you know who you are and where you are, give God thanks. If you can breathe on your own, thank God. If you can stand on your own two feet, thank God. If have a job, thank God. If you have food to eat, thank God. Say thank you and give people recognition for their kind acts and consideration towards you, but remember, every perfect gift comes from God (James 1:17).

It’s not our talents that promote us, but the favor of God. It’s not our burglar alarms that protect our homes and possessions; it’s the angels of the Lord that He has assigned to us. It’s not our driving skills or ABS brakes that take us over the highways safely, it is the traveling mercies of God that allow us to go out and to come in safely.

Give thanks freely and the blessings will continue to come. Let’s put the giving thanks back into thanksgiving and make it a daily habit. We are given something each and every day to be thankful for. Thank you for taking the time to read my words and making my writing such a fulfillment and joy. Have a blessed Thanksgiving season and I thank God for each and every one of you.

I REMEMBER

Memory is a crucial thing and becomes more valuable as you age. We seem to have an epidemic of memory disorders today ranging from various forms of dementia or Alzheimer’s, amnesia, and brain fog. I believe there are some to don’t remember because they don’t want to.
This phenomenon came real to me when I suffered from fungus of the lungs and had brain fog. It was as if the answer was just on the tip of my tongue. It was as if I remembered I had a car and car keys but couldn’t remember how I got into the car seat.

This attack on the mind is so important that if your mind can’t remember how you did certain things it could forget how to breathe or speak and your biological systems can begin to shut down; imagine that.
Since my recovery from the brain fog I purposely force myself to go through the process of remembering things. I make a conscious effort to go through the entire range of thoughts for things occurring in my daily life. When I do this, I’m often surprised how many things I’ve forgotten but were key to the final results. I also find there are things I wish to forget.

I was sharing the details of my healing from the fungus in my lungs to someone. I shared how I changed my diet, started juicing, and about the great physicians, specialist, and holistic doctors that helped this happen. Then a song came on the radio. I love the song and the story began to play in my mind why it had such meaning to me.

I remember one day I was in my kitchen gagging and coughing, begging God to help me and I heard Him say to my spirit, sing. I thought you must be joking, I can’t even breathe or talk, let alone sing. The word and command came to my spirit again. Being obedient, I wondered what I should sing, and the song on the radio came to mind.

It took weeks to be able to sing the first verse, only accomplished by many napkins, tissue wasn’t sturdy enough, and many interruptions of coughing spells. In several months I could sing the song all the way through but at a lower octave range than I normally sang in. After 6 months, I was singing the song as I did before my sickness. I used Google to search singing and found that in the UK it’s a common successful therapy for lung patients, even some with severe cases, to have the patients sing for therapy. Look at how wise our God is and how innovative He was in my healing. Now I often sing to keep the lungs exercised.
This is why the memory is so important. When I remembered the details of how I sang that song, my eyes fill with tears. Not just what the singing did but remembering what God did. He was so detailed and precise in my healing that each aspect is important to the outcome.

I also remember the things that have made my life what it is, both the good and bad. My life and strength are in the small details. That’s why I think I am now striving to be a storyteller. By rehearsing the facts of the events in my life, I hope I’m leaving an indelible impression on my mind and those who hear my story.
Remembering reminds me of how much God cares for me and I am reminded that there is no limit to what He will do for me to make me whole.

Do this exercise today, look back over a few events that have occurred in your life and remember them in their entirety. I guarantee you’ll see there are things you’ve forgotten that happened but most important, you’ll see how important it is to remember because our memories are the songs of who we are.

I’m so glad I remembered.

A WRITER’S GOTTA WRITE TO BE A WRITER

I’ve been so busy lately that I seemed to have forgotten my 2nd love, writing; my first is God. I’ve been going after the American dream, life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, where ever that leads me to rekindle my fire, I’ve studied the process of writing, I’ve read books on how to write. I’ve joined groups on telling stories about the things I’ve written in the past but I looked at my notebooks still full of pages and my calendar blank of my scheduled future writing. But a writer’s gotta write to be a writer.

This is a problem and probably explains why I’ve had a bit of an edge lately. I feel as if a part of me and who I am is missing when I’m not writing. When I write, I seek the guidance of God and google for my issues or things just on my heart. I get to a place where I feel the anointing of God like in no other place. For it was He that asked me, what I originally thought was a question but realized it was an appointment, in 2009 who shall write of His glory.
I had to sit down one day and analyze the situation and find out just what my problem was. To my surprise, I found out I lost my focus and inspiration. This is like needing a quadruple heart bypass for a writer with no doctor in the room. Focus for me as a writer was always a challenge, if you saw me write you’d think I was bipolar, dyslexic, OCD, and just nuts. I’d be all over the place as ideas and sentences rushed through my mind but I’d always reel them in.

Now my focus can’t be tamed. When I reel it in, I’m too exhausted to write. My inspiration waned. I discovered it was because of writing wounds. Writers know what I mean, those are the many disappointments and rejections that overshadow the acceptance and approval for assignments we so long to get. It’s the point when the mind says to you, why try after the doors are shut in your face or on your foot for your next writing opportunity. And to top it all off I went back to grad school to get my Master’s degree. What was I thinking! But a writer’s gotta write to be a writer.

The ultimate danger to this would be the total loss of my passion for writing. If I lost this, I wouldn’t think it important to jot down that topic or get up early or stay up late to finish until my soul was satisfied and God was pleased. I would not be pleasing in God’s sight because He commissioned me to write of His glory. All those who send me emails, postcards, or call to say how my pieces have helped encourage them or their family members would cease and maybe the one who would have saw hope through my words would be left with despair and decide to choose the wrong solution.

Just like someone hangs on to a dying relationship with someone they love so dear, I’m going to run after my 2nd love, writing, like never before. I’m going to sit and just meditate, listen to music and let my mind wander while I put away the cares of this world for a while. I’m going to schedule time again on my calendar to face that blank page on my laptop and fill it up with my thoughts. I’m going to read more until my inspiration resurges again.
I’ll go back before the One who gave me the commission to write and ask for His help. One thing I know, He will provide what I need to accomplish what He told me to do, as I do my part. It’s not that I don’t have material, my daily life is one fantastic story after another. I need His help to minimize the disconnect and distraction of getting my thoughts from my heart to the paper. I need His help to open the door that no one can shut and shut those where no one can reopen for me. But one thing for sure, a writer’s gotta write to be a writer.
Enjoy life, trust God, and never ever lose your passion.